Back on the Wagon - Again!

I think it is something many people can relate too - the struggles of losing weight.  We all know what we should be doing to be fit and healthy, and of course everyone is different.  You can't judge people on how they look because you are only seeing half the picture.  I am overweight, that I know, but physically I've always been fit and healthy on the inside.  Whereas a beautiful model friend of mine was shocked recently to discover she is the opposite - looks fit on the outside, but is not so healthy on the inside.  So yes, we are all different.  But we all want to look and feel good - it's human nature.

Lately I have not been feeling good about myself.  I could nearly say the black dog has been trying to make a comeback and I've been struggling to stop it jumping the fence.  It's a constant struggle, and the way my life is at the moment probably isn't helping.  At the start of 2016 I was doing so well with getting myself back on track.  Then I was made redundant and my life turned into an organised chaos.  I neglected myself and let myself fall back into bad habits as I tried to cope with the major change of going from full time $40K+ per annum work to casual 'am I going to make enough to pay the bills this week' work.  It's a scary thought, and at the end of the day I believe I am happier being able to do the work I really want to do, and having more variety - but the stress of ensuring I still made enough to cover bills and food is always there.  Initially I had a redundancy package to fall back on, but that soon ran out (it wasn't a lot), and then I resorted to selling some assets to try and reduce some debt, but I'm not in the clear yet.  Needless to say, as always my way of coping with stress is eating.  I know it should be exercise, and I know I always feel better after I exercise, but some days I just want to stay in bed all day and not do anything.

When I made the decision in Oct 2016 to have a hysterectomy, the added stress of upcoming surgery didn't help.  I was happy I made the decision, and thrilled to have the surgery done with no complications, but I had never had any sort of major surgery before other than having my wisdom teeth out.  Not to mention there were a lot more risks with having a hysterectomy.  Thankfully it went well but it meant two months of little to no exercise - which only fuelled my desire to stay in bed.  The body adapts very quickly - and it certainly did in my case in being lazy.  What didn't help was that I had stopped dancing as well, so what was once regular exercise became occasional.

For a while I tried losing weight doing 16:8 fasting - where you only eat during an 8 hour window, but like any weight loss, you need to eat less calories.  I was fine fasting for 16 hours, but for some reason I would still eat too much during the 8 hour window, and as a result didn't lose any weight (possibly even put some on).  It made me realise that I needed to go back to doing 5:2 as I know this worked for me - only having 500-600 calories 2 days per week. 

So today is back on the wagon for Day 1.  I didn't weigh myself but my last weight was around 81kg.  It's time for me to get back down to a healthy weight again.  No food restrictions are being set as yet, but I will aim to cut down on sugar.  My first attempt is to just get back into the habit of fasting again.  And exercise.  So here we go.. you can view my vlog for today here:

The Challenges of Life

They say if things were easy, everyone would be doing it.. like losing weight.  Well, losing weight can be easy, but like anything you have to be committed to doing it!  Sadly, when I wrote my last post in an attempt to do an 8 week challenge - life threw all kinds of work challenges at me.  I went from working only a few hours a week, to over 30 hours a week.  For example, last week I worked 37 hours in one job, plus another 7 hours in another job (so 45hrs total).  Sure this is full time hours for most people, and it would be fine if it was 8am to 5pm, Monday to Friday - but for me it has been more condensed into 4 days with 5.30am/6am starts and 8pm finishes.  You think that's great- I get a 3 day weekend - but by the time the weekend comes around I'm so damn tired all I want to do is sleep!  So not really that great, and I can see how Personal Trainers can quickly burn out, let alone if they have to work a second job to keep paying the bills!  This has also meant I've had little time or energy to do my own workout, which is very frustrating.

The lack of energy, and tiredness, have led to my poor diet choices once again - where I'm finding myself back on the merry-go-round of sweetness and sugar addiction.  Something I have overcome once before, and know I can do it again, but once again a challenge which I have yet to fully commit to, especially as my depression lurks and feed on sugar, and I find it a constant battle in my mind which I have to conquer once again.

On the upside, however, I did get back into doing the Sat morning Parkrun, and a couple of weeks ago I was able to run the whole 5km without having to switch to a power walk.  I completed it in around 35mins, which is slow for me, but this is great progress as now I can concentrate on getting my speed up again.  Last weekend I also challenged myself by participating in the ROC Race - a 5km un-timed race inspired by the shows "Wipeout" and "It's a Knockout".  Along the 5km were 12 different, larger than life obstaces - many of which resulted in being drenched, soaked or covered in foam - but was so much fun, and I completed the course in around 45-50mins.

Also, this year I have been determined to work more acting gigs, which I set myself the one and only new year resolution of working at least one day per month on a film set (paid or unpaid).  It is now May, and I'm please to say I have already completed 12 days on various films - majority of which have been speaking roles, and about a third of them have even been paid!  So at least my career is looking good, even though my waistline isn't!  But I know I will get there - sometimes we just need to push through the pain, otherwise we never discover our full potential.. so hopefully next time I check in I will be in a much better mindset!

No Voice Today

So am at home today trying to keep warm, and get over this stupid illness I've had for a week now which has left me with little voice and feeling like crap in general.  I hate being sick for several reasons - I never get anything done that I need to do, due to spending most of the day in bed; and I can't work (no work = no money).  Although I did manage to do a bit of choreography today for a song I've been teaching my beginners Bollywood class - however I don't know how I'm going to teach tonight without much of a voice.  I might have to mime.  I can't cancel the class because I don't have anyone to cover me, and I can't postpone it because the week after we finish I'm heading to Townsville for work.  But as anyone in the performing arts industry knows, sometimes you just have to get in there and do it anyway.

I really should be trying to finish my last 2 assignments, but I can't concentrate much at the moment.  On the upside, being sick does make my fast days a bit easier.  All I have eaten today is some pumpkin bread with avocado and a coke zero.  A total of just under 500 calories.  Not sure if I'll have dinner yet or not, but if I do it will only be something small so will definitely be under my BMR (which is okay for a fast day).

To top things off, I've been waiting for a promo company to pay me for some work I did back in April, only to now find out they had my account number wrong so now I have to wait even longer for the money to come through!  Just what I needed.... I'd like to go back to bed now but have to get ready to go to my class soon. ;(