Red Billabong

It's not very often that I get to go to the movies - even less often to a non-Bollywood movie - and rarely to a movie premiere... but this week I had the utmost pleasure of attending the Gold Coast premiere of the Sparke Films production, Red Billabong.  A new Australian film that falls perfectly into the cult film category.  This film was not only made by some local Gold Coast talent, but also on a shoestring budget, with the whole film being shot in around 5 weeks.  Despite the short time frame, the movie is no lesser of quality than any Hollywood blockbuster, and great detail has been put into both the characters, and the story development.

I went to see this film having no expectations, and no idea really what it was about other than a mythical 'creature' in a Billabong.  Writer & Director, Luke Sparke, has taken a classic Australian/Aboriginal creature and turned it into a intriguing thriller/suspense story.  The main characters are brothers Nick (Dan Ewing  - Home and Away; Power Rangers) and Tristan (Tim Pocock - X-Men: Wolverine; Dance Academy); whom came across very much as an Australian version of the Winchester brothers, Sam and Dean (Supernatural).  Drawn together to determine the future of their grandfather's property, the brothers need to make the decision of whether to pass the land to the local Aboriginal Tribe as per their grandfather's wishes, or to sell to an interested property developer for an attractive sum of money.  

Supported by an attractive cast of Australian actors including Sophie Don and Ben Chisholm, the story has a few twists and has an ending which could make this a stand alone movie, or open to a sequel.  There is little evidence of the shoestring budget - the cinematography is of a quality I wouldn't have expected for a low-budget feature, and the CGI 'creature' is well integrated within the film - there is no cheesy B-grade evidence here.  In my eyes, Red Billabong is A-grade production all the way!  Kudos to the production team, crew and cast on a brilliant movie!!

The film is screening in a few cinemas around Brisbane, and also in NSW and VIC.  If it's not screening at your local cinema, then call them and ask them to screen it - this is a movie that is best seen on the big screen.  You can find out more on their Facebook page:  www.facebook.com/RedBillabong

Now, I should point out that I am not an official movie reviewer, nor am I getting any benefit out of this film (other than the viewing pleasure).  These comments are purely my own thoughts after having seen the film, and as an actor myself, I feel it is important to support our local film industry - after all, anything that creates work for local performers, especially in Queensland, is something I'm passionate about!

Location! Location!

One of the great things about being an actor/dancer and casual events/promo worker is that I get to work in lots of fun locations!  For years I used to avoid crowds and festivals, but now I can't seem to avoid them.. lol

Today I got to work on an independent web-series production that was filmed in the basement of an upmarket restaurant in Woolloongabba.. one of those hidden gems that you wouldn't know about if you hadn't been there.  With an impressive wine collection, chandeliers, and rustic style furniture, you could easily have felt like you were about to have dinner in someone's lavish vintage home.  But don't take my word for it - here's a photo I took whilst the film crew were setting up:

Last week I got to work on a corporate film in a bar, playing waitress which was also good fun, and got to make use more of my bar & waitress skills working at the Sofitel one evening helping out at a corporate function for 500 people!  My left arm didn't quite make the evening, and was quite dead the next day whilst working at a promotion for Olive Grove - but I managed to survive!  Now I just need to go back to the gym and work those arms to make them stronger!!

I have had a few auditions here and there as well - they are a bit like job interviews, so you can't get your hopes up otherwise you just keep getting disappointed with rejections.  You just need to turn up, do your best, and then move on to the next one.  Then one day, out of the blue, a phone call or email will be received and celebrations can be had!  But I'm not celebrating anything yet.. all the work I've been doing is short term casual work.  So far it has been picking up though, and each gig is different which keeps things interesting.  My next gig will be working at the Ekka - something I always thought will be fun to do.. so I'll keep you posted on that!

SARI in Sydney

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post, but at least the two weeks I spent in Townsville for work helped me finally get better.  June was pretty much a write off for work due to being sick the whole month!  Townsville was great - average temp of mid 20s, was paid to do some fun Angry Birds promo work, plus got to catch up with my sis for her birthday!!  The worst part of the trip however was the 2 hour flight delay back to Brisbane.  Those that have travelled from Townsville will know there aren't many flights out, and when someone else is paying they are always going to choose the cheapest option.  This meant a 9.30pm flight became an 11.30pm flight, making my arrival in Brisbane at 1.30am in the morning!  Now that wouldn't have been too bad if I could've just gone home and slept the rest of the day, but I had to be back at the airport at 6am to fly to Sydney with my dance troupe, SARI.  So after barely 3hrs sleep, I was back to the airport with a refreshed suitcase, and an air of excitement to participate in our first big competition!

Sydney was great, and actually wasn't as cold as I thought it would be and there was only scatterings of rain.  We arrived about 9am and headed straight to a dance studio so we could workshop our two songs we had prepared - one was our own choice, and the other a judges choice song.  As I hadn't seen the others for a few weeks, this was the first chance I had to actually rehearse it with them.  We were quite excited about our final routines, and headed to the hotel about lunchtime so we could relax and freshen up before heading to the competition venue at 4pm.

This was the first big Indian dance competition we had entered, and whilst I still don't think we needed to be at the venue so early, I was impressed that it was the first Indian event we had attended in 6 years that actually ran spot on time!!   The event didn't start until 6pm and we were asked to be there at 4pm supposedly for a sound check and were also informed we'd be able to change / rehearse at the venue.  However the sound check was just someone asking me if 'this' was our music (which they played on ipod for 15sec) and then we we told to change and sit in a large 'green' room whilst we wait to go on.  There was no room / space to rehearse, so we were glad we had spent the morning rehearsing!  So in my opinion we could've arrived at 5pm and still been ready to go on by 6pm.. (and the extra hour would've meant I might've been able to have more of a nap!)..  Anyway, it did run on time, and was otherwise well organised.  It was also great to meet some other performers from around the country!

We went onstage and did our 'own choice' song - which we were happy with, but apparently it didn't impress all the judges.  Comments were made about our costume not being traditional - but we weren't dancing to a traditional song, so it would've looked out of place.  I found this surprising as there were other groups / solo dancers also wearing 'western' style dance costumes, but some of them got through to the next round.  Mind you, some of those dance performances were quite good too.  Our hopes were to at least get through to the next round so we could do our 'judges choice' song, but sadly this didn't happen.  We left tired and disappointed, but happy to have been able to be part of a fun night.

Anyway, I'm now back home and have been having fun doing some different jobs - the past few days I've been a brand ambassador for a new mobile phone; today I worked on the registration desk / events team for a financial planners conference; and tomorrow I will be doing some demo/sampling of a popular brand of butter.  I also had an audition yesterday for a short film; have 2 more auditions tomorrow for more short films, and possibly one more later in the week - so am hoping to be doing more film work very soon as I've lucked out with the past few films I was hoping to do due to date clashes with work or other events.. so fingers crossed for me, and I'll check in later and let you know how things are going!

Oh, and if you're on Facebook, I now have a public page - so you can follow me on there also.  You'll find the link in the right menu bar on here!  :)  

Everyone Should Dance

You may or may not know, but I love to dance.  I'm not the greatest dancer - definitely not a technical dancer - but am a passionate dancer.  I dance because it makes me happy, and it's universal.  I don't think it matters where you are in the world, everyone should have music in their lives.  It doesn't matter if you don't understand the lyrics, or if you have two left feet, but if you don't have music then life would be rather quiet don't you think?  Can you imagine what life would be like without music.  I believe even deaf people can 'hear' music - they hear the vibrations of sort - although I'm not deaf nor know anyone that is, so I can't be 100% sure on that one.

Every country has their own style of music, and I love the fact that Australia is so multicultural that we embrace all kinds of music through the many festivals and events we hold here.  Of course, those that know me, know my two loves are K-Pop (Korean music) and even more so Bollywood and Indian music.  The great thing I love about Indian music is that every now and then I'm introduced to another style/region - whether its classic Bollywood from Mumbai, or popular Punjabi songs (Pollywood / Lollywood), to songs from Utta Pratesh (Bhojpuri), Telugu (Tollywood), or Tamil regions (Kollywood).  You can view other Hollywood-inspired names on this list here.

I'm therefore very excited to be dancing with my SARI Bollywood Dance troupe next weekend in our very first Indian dance competition!  We have been performing as a group since 2010, but never competed in competitions before..  We entered our first one last year, and whilst we did make the finals, we were unable to compete.  This year, however, we have made it happen!  We are in the finals of the Indian Australian Singing & Dancing Competition, and we are heading to Sydney!!

Sometimes I wish that there was more work in the entertainment industry so I could work full time.. but sadly there isn't.  Especially when many gigs we get asked to do for free or for exposure.. well can't really pay the bills with exposure now can we.  But on the upside, as a casual worker, I'm now allowing myself more time to focus on my dancing so I can make fun videos like this one.  I hope you enjoy, and if you leave a comment, please be nice.. I am human after all!  lol

My Time is Valuable

So this is a little rant I put on Facebook today:

"It doesn't take much to be organised, and don't put your unrealistic expectations on me as I won't take it anymore... my time is just as valuable as anyone else's and I like to think I've earned some respect. I'm not pointing the finger at anyone here in particular, but this is just become a bit of a recurring theme in my life.. I take the time out of my schedule in agreeing to do something, being fully committed to it, even if it means missing out on paid work in the process. So if I do this for you, then all I ask is that you respect my time - I will be there when I say I will. Don't ask me to be at an event 3 hours before just because you can't organise yourself - especially if the event isn't going to run on time (unless you are paying me to be there). Don't ask me to do things at the last minute when you should've asked me days or weeks earlier (except for true emergencies, of course - as that's what friends do). I'm an adult and I have a diary, and I often have more than one thing on per day. So, if I say I'm going be there, then I will be there. It's in my diary. I don't need constant reminders - unless something has changed. If I am going to be late or am sick and need to cancel/reschedule then I will let you know asap. If you cancel or change plans for whatever reason, then I expect courtesy that you'll let me know asap. I do know that plans can change, and unexpected things can arise, but 90% of time it comes down to pure lack of planning or organisation. I will respect you and your time, and I hope you will respect mine in the same way. Thanks & rant over.. ":)

It might seem trivial, but when it happens to you everyday then it can start to become annoying.  I have lost count of the number of shows/performances where they expect you to arrive 2 or 3 hours before your set time.  Yet a professional show will have a 1 hour call time - and this is to make sure you are there and do your make up and get in costume.  Majority of the dance performances I do, we turn up already dressed in costume & makeup, and if we are not being paid then surely a 1hr call time is even a bit much?  I've had last minute requests - prepare this or that, and send it to us with maybe a day or two notice, when surely the organisers knew they'd be wanting this when we first agreed to perform, so why didn't they tell us then?

I don't know how many appointments I've made - whether it's for social or business reasons - where people have been late.  If you are later than 15mins and haven't told me you are going to be late, then why should I still wait for you?  If you have told me you are on your way, then I might wait because I will think maybe you are stuck in traffic, but after 30mins it starts to become unacceptable  I might have to be somewhere else after our appointment, and I'm not going to be late for that person just because someone didn't respect my time enough to be on time for my appointment.

I am also over people that treat you like you are a unorganised as they are.. I shouldn't have to keep confirming the appointment or performance.  I said I would be there, and I will be there.  Is there any change that I need to know about?  No?  Then don't keep calling/messaging/emailing me.  Sure, I get that there are many younger people out there who are flippant about making appointments - but I'm not one of those people and you know that because I've just told you.  So please respect my time and I'll respect yours.  In return you will have an honest, reliable, and trustworthy friend / performer / staff member etc.  I am an adult - treat me like and and I'll treat you like one too!

all.

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Would You Work For Free?

If you have a friend that is an actor, a dancer, a singer, a photographer, a musician, a painter, a writer, or any other sort of creative artist or even someone who works in the service industry, then chances are they've probably been asked at some point to provide their services in return for 'exposure' or 'experience'.  You may have even asked them yourself.  Sure, everyone loves getting something for nothing, and what is better than 'free' entertainment.  Sadly though it means no value is placed on that service.  Of course, if your best friend is a photographer and they offer to photograph your wedding as a present to you, then you might not say no, but in general don't you think they deserve to be paid for what they do?

We spend just as much time studying and perfecting our craft as the next person.  I always knew when I was younger that I wanted to perform, but my parents never considered it a 'real' job.  Of course we know that only a small handful of performers make it 'big' in the industry, but there are plenty of other performers out there that are still making regular work by doing what they have been trained to do...  and in some ways we probably have to work twice as hard to do so because we don't have a 9-5 job day in/day out.  But like everyone else we still have bills to pay, we still have to eat, we may even still have study debts or have to pay for continuous further training and development, and on top of that we are most likely working as a sole trader so also have to pay our own insurance, and travel costs.

Sure, we will generally happily travel for a paid job, even if the pay is less than the travel cost, because we are being PAID, and therefore being valued!  Of course, we'd love to sometimes be paid a bit more, but something is better than nothing.  But sadly, there are many younger, less experienced performers out there willing to do anything for 'exposure' or 'experience' and this isn't helping the rest of us.

I saw an audition listing today from a medium sized business (whom also happen to be in the service / entertainment industry) and I was disgusted to see they were wanting actors for a Cinema Commercial, noting it was UNPAID but GREAT EXPOSURE!  Seriously, what are they thinking??  This company is paying to have a cinema ad, but can't afford to pay actors?   Sure, an actor might think this is good exposure, but by doing an unpaid commercial they are doing themselves out of a paid commercial for the next 3 years!!  How is that good exposure when you can't work for 3 years, and you didn't get paid for the first job in the first place??  Thankfully the listing was reported and removed.

Of course there are the occasional times when we might be happy to work for free - it might be a student film where no-one is getting paid; or a festival film which either no-one is getting paid or they will pay if they sell or make money on the film later.  Usually these are done with the agreement that the performer will get a copy of the film for their 'showreel'.. of course your showreel is only about 2-3mins and there is only so much you can put in there..  but sadly, there are many films out there that I've done that I've never ever seen nor heard of again.

As a dancer, I always get asked if my dancers can perform for free.  Maybe it's a charity event, a fundraiser or a community event, there is always a good reason for the event.  And maybe we will perform for free - if we feel it is value to us; if we are wanting to support the cause/event/charity; and/or if we know that no-one else is getting paid either - and I mean NO-ONE..   But this isn't always the case.  One event last year we pulled out of because we found out certain groups were getting paid, and others weren't.  How is this fair?  It was supposedly a 'community event'.  It should either be pay everyone or pay no-one.

We need to make a change in the way people view our services.. This is what we have chosen to be our profession, and surely we deserve to be respected for that just like anyone else.   We are not asking for ridiculous amounts of money for a job, but we deserve to ask for something.

Time to Re-Focus

I can't believe I'm still sick after 2 weeks!  What started as a sore throat on two Monday's ago, turned into a cough to the point where I completely lost my voice after a week on the Tuesday - and of course that would be the day everyone tries to call me! - and now nearly Monday again, despite having my voice back I am still coughing and have a slight sore throat.  I did go to the doctors (viral infection), nothing they could do, and have tried just about everything to get better.  I just can't afford to be sick, as no work = no pay.  Aside from my 3 x 1hr classes I am currently running per week (which barely covers food let alone anything else) I haven't done any other work other than one hospitality shift.  I also had to cancel my trip to Sydney for a Bollywood competition because I was not well enough to dance, let alone doing an acting performance after having lost my voice :(  I did ask for a refund for my $200 entry fee as they had no cancellation policy and I did give them over a weeks notice, as I had to make a decision as I also had flights & accommodation I had to cancel.  Sadly it looks like I won't get my money back though - could really use that at the moment!

Despite not being well enough to go to the gym, I have managed to get in a couple of prac sessions for my PT studies in the past few days as my voice came back.  Luckily I wasn't actually training, only observing other PTs so didn't have to talk much, and my coughing hasn't been too much of an issue during the day - just seems to be worse at night now.  I'm quite keen to finish my prac as I can then start working as a PT.  I still have 2 assignments to do - one being a business plan - and then I have to decide where I want to work.  I've been doing my prac with Goodlife, but I'm not sure I want to work there yet.  My goal is to work part time as a trainer (mostly mornings), so that I can still act/dance in the evenings and weekends.  I don't mind paying rent (which most gyms charge) but I want it to be reasonable based on the hours I am wanting to work, so am checking out some other gyms to see how they operate as well.  This will also help give me an idea of how the industry works in general, as every gym is slightly different.

On the upside, my dance troupe, SARI, we delighted to be informed that we had made a direct entry into the Indian Australian Singing & Dancing Competition to be held in Sydney on Sat, 09 July.  We did make the finals of this event last year, after an audition process and public voting, but this year there was no public voting for Dance Groups.  We didn't actually get to the finals in 2015 though, as the event was held on a Sunday, and we were only provided with a weeks' notice to get down there.  We had intended to go down & back on the same day, however due to the event running late we realised we would never make the last flight back from Sydney (and due to the late notice, my dancers couldn't get the Monday off work) so we had to withdraw.  Thankfully, this year they have put the event on a Saturday evening, so we can go down & back for the weekend which we are very excited about!  Now we have to raise about $2500 to get down there - $300 per person for return flights, and around $500 for one nights accommodation!  The rest of the funds will go towards taxi fares & food.  Now we just have to figure out the best ways to raise funds!  Now I just have to get back into my fasting routine and get back off the sugar (ice cream does help a sore throat, but that's about all it's good for..lol).  So time for a new goal:

On 09 July 2016 I will weigh 67kg by doing 5:2 and not eating sugar..

Burlesque Night with Dita

Well despite having no voice, I managed to get a better nights sleep and went to the doctors today.  Not much she could do (viral infection) but she did recommend an overly expensive script-only nasal spray, as she suspected that my sinuses were contributing to my sore throat and coughing (even though I can breathe through my nose fine), and this is what has led to the performers nightmare of completely losing my voice.  Okay, I can whisper - but this doesn't help when I've been getting phone calls all day for possible work, and haven't been able to answer the calls :(

On the upside, I haven't coughed much at all today, which is just as well as tonight the stunning Dita Von Teese is in town, and at $95 a ticket I really didn't want to miss it!  Normally I would find any excuse to dress up (after all, that's one of the reasons I became an actor - because I can dress up as different characters); but I've gone down the sensible path of wearing comfy jeans and top, with jumper and throwover - because getting better is more important to me at the moment than looking good.  Mind you, I did still put on some makeup & sparkly earrings!  I was going to take a selfie - but I couldn't get a good pic (they all actually make me look like I'm pale and sick - which I am! lol).  If any good ones are taken later, I might post one then.

Before I got into Bollywood, I was into Burlesque.  Now this was well and truly before the lame movie of the same name came out.. I actually discovered Burlesque when I was working as an exotic dancer (when I was younger and a bit fitter!).  Someone likened my dance style to that of Burlesque, to which I was fascinated about it.  Of course, it wasn't as widely known about by the general public back then as it was now.  I remember having a big birthday bash (at the Tivoli where I'm headed tonight actually), and I hired the gorgeous (Dr) Lola the Vamp to dance at my party.  This was my first true introduction to the art form.  Little did I realise at the time, but we had a mutual friend in Lisa Lamb (may she rest in peace).  Lisa was a Brisbane comedian and also danced at my party that night.  After then, I decided to take some classes with Lola and whilst I really loved the dance form, and met lots of lovely dancers (many whom have gone on to become quite well-known in the Burlesque scene), I was never quite ready to do my own performance.   Mind you, I still continued to dance - after Lola stopped teaching, I started classes with Lena Marlene from Scoundrells.  Lena had a completely different style to Lola, but I loved them both!  But there was still something stopping me from doing my own routine.

In 2009, despite not having performed myself, I wanted to do something in the scene, so decided to run the inaugural Miss Burlesque QLD competition.  This was held over 6 months (one show on the last Sunday of each month) at the Brisbane Arts Theatre.  Each show had a vaudeville / variety section, then the competition section.  One dancer was selected by audience vote each month, and the grand finals held at the last show were judged by a panel of dance experts (including Dr Lola).   The winner of this competition was the lovely, Miss Alyssa Kitt - who has since gone on to win more competitions, and perform around the world!

During this same time, I also discovered my passion for Bollywood Dance and in 2010 I decided to focus on Bollywood over Burlesque.  The Burlesque competition was continued on a national scale by another group, which I was glad to see, and I do miss it sometimes, so am very excited to be catching up with some of my Burly-friends tonight (albeit voice-free!)!!

POST SHOW UPDATE:  

Worst night of my life!!  Didn't even stay for the full show.  The venue was standing room only.  Now I've never been much of a concert person, and I understand the concept of standing room only, which is fine when you are going to listen to a band play etc, but I now know is completely inappropriate for a performance show.  Not only was the venue so overcrowded (I would hate to have been there in the event of an emergency.. wouldn't have a hope in hell of getting out alive).. but unless you were one of the lucky few to get through the door first and secure a spot along the upstairs railing, or had a VIP ticket (which was double the standard ticket price) where you got to stand down the front near the stage, or unless you were about 7 feet tall, there was no hope in hell you could see anything happening on the stage!  As far as 'experiences' go, I'd have to say this was the worse experience of my life and I'll be contacting Ticketmaster tomorrow for a refund.  I didn't pay $95 to stand in a crowded room and listen to music - I paid to see a show, dammit!  Not happy at all!!

No Voice Today

So am at home today trying to keep warm, and get over this stupid illness I've had for a week now which has left me with little voice and feeling like crap in general.  I hate being sick for several reasons - I never get anything done that I need to do, due to spending most of the day in bed; and I can't work (no work = no money).  Although I did manage to do a bit of choreography today for a song I've been teaching my beginners Bollywood class - however I don't know how I'm going to teach tonight without much of a voice.  I might have to mime.  I can't cancel the class because I don't have anyone to cover me, and I can't postpone it because the week after we finish I'm heading to Townsville for work.  But as anyone in the performing arts industry knows, sometimes you just have to get in there and do it anyway.

I really should be trying to finish my last 2 assignments, but I can't concentrate much at the moment.  On the upside, being sick does make my fast days a bit easier.  All I have eaten today is some pumpkin bread with avocado and a coke zero.  A total of just under 500 calories.  Not sure if I'll have dinner yet or not, but if I do it will only be something small so will definitely be under my BMR (which is okay for a fast day).

To top things off, I've been waiting for a promo company to pay me for some work I did back in April, only to now find out they had my account number wrong so now I have to wait even longer for the money to come through!  Just what I needed.... I'd like to go back to bed now but have to get ready to go to my class soon. ;(

My So Called Life

Thanks for dropping by to check out my new blog!  I've always been one to have some sort of diary  or journal, and have previously had online blogs that have been anonymous as they were just really for my own purpose, but this time I thought it was time to share.  For those of you that do know me, I have been doing a series of video blogs on my weight loss journey - which is still on-going - so this written blog will hopefully complement that, allowing me to post a bit more about how I live, what I eat, and my journey to becoming a fitter and healthier me overall.

But to any good story, there always has to be some history provided to help you understand how I got to where I am today.  They say that your decisions in life are made based on the information you have or situation you are in at the time, and if you were to re-live your life over, you would make the exact same decisions (even though you'd sometimes like to think otherwise!).  My journey hasn't necessarily been a happy one, and there have been many times when I wish I had made different choices, but I have decided not to regret those decisions - only to focus on the future and where I want to be now, rather than dwell on where I could've been.

So, a bit of background about me:  I was born in Hobart, Tasmania; however due to my father being in the Army, I have spent most of my life living in Brisbane, Queensland.  I was the oldest of three - having a younger sister and brother, both of whom now live in North Queensland.  My childhood wasn't a happy one.  My father was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive, and I spend most of my school years suffering from depression.  The sad thing is that I didn't know I was depressed - to me it was just a 'normal' feeling and I thought that was how I was supposed to feel.  This became worse in my later high school years, and I would occassionally have suicidal thoughts as I couldn't see any future for me, but I never acted upon those thoughts - although I did become a cutter as a way of coping.

Of course, I did have some dreams.  I remember when I was around 5 years old, watching a Shirley Temple movie on TV, and knowing that I wanted to be like her - an actor, singer, dancer.  It was all I ever wanted to do - entertain and perform.  I think my parents thought it was just a phase, and never indulged me.  Whenever they asked what I wanted to do, I would tell them I wanted to be an actor, and my father would always say 'That's not a real job.  You have to get a real job.'  He might have been trying to get me to be more practical (as we all know that not many performers get to make a living out of what they love doing), but I couldn't think of doing anything else, and I believe that his 'reality check' made me think I would never get to do what I really wanted, which most likely contributed to my depression.

By the end of my senior year, I didn't have any hope of being able to study performing arts at University, so I applied to do a Computer Engineering course with TAFE instead.  I ended up doing this part-time, whilst doing an Office Secretarial Traineeship full-time.  But I still wasn't happy.  Somewhere along the way I turned to witchcraft, initially with all the wrong intentions, but after learning more about the religion, I believe it partly helped save my life.  That, and the help of my now long-term boyfriend.

When I started to realise I could have a future, I decided I needed to move out of home.  Sadly, this decision didn't go down well and I ended up being kicked out one night by my father.  But I didn't look back.  I had to keep moving forward if I wanted to survive.  I attended counselling and things started to look up.  I was in a good paying job, and I finally got to study performing arts.  Things were looking okay, but something was still not right.  Over time I put on weight, and despite several attempts / diets, I couldn't lose it.

About 16 years later, I spoke to my father for the first time.  My grandfather had recently passed, and it was briefly mentioned that my father wasn't well either.  I didn't know to what extent, but we started talking - however the next 4 years it was always pleasant conversation.  I still always felt like I had to be careful what I said so he didn't lose his temper.  But at least we were talking again.  Then one day, my mother calls in tears to say he was in hospital.  I then found out he had liver cancer.   A couple of days later, he passed away at age 58.

I don't know what was the bigger shock - that he died at a young age of cancer, or that I didn't actually know how sick he was.  I spent the next year back in counselling, trying to find a way to deal with the unresolved issues which I never dealt with initially.  When I moved out and had the initial counselling, it turned out all I had done was stuck my head in the sand - I never actually dealt with any of it.  Over the following months I put on even more weight.

It is clichéd, but I truly had the moment of realising life is short. During my counselling I started to deal with these issues, and was finally able to start making the changes in my life that I needed to.  At my worst, I was 84kg and a size 16-18.  I discovered the world of Intermittent Fasting, and along with the support of my mother (a University-qualified Nutritionist), I started to finally lose weight.  I also started to do some of the things I used to enjoy when I was younger, like running and playing the trumpet.

At this stage I was running my own small Bollywood dance school, and I had discovered a passion for health and fitness - wanting to help others to lose weight and become fitter - so last year I decided I was going to study to become a Personal Trainer, with the goal of going from full time to part time work.  As fate would have it, I was given a redundancy notice in my full time job, and I finally finished working full time at the end of February this year.  After a 3 week holiday, I have now come back to a new start - completing my studies at as PT; registering with my acting agent again; and doing lots of casual work with various promo and hospitality agencies.

Life is certainly different for me now, and at times stressful but exciting as I don't know what is coming next.  I'm currently sitting around 69kg (I still have another 9kg to reach my goal and be well within my healthy weight range), and am actually quite sick for the first time in about 18 months, but I feel happier than I've ever been.  I hope to share with you in this blog some of the ups and downs in my life, and hope that it might inspire or encourage you to take control of your life, because it's never too late!

xx Rach